If you are failing to get any happiness in your life, then you need to concentrate on changing that. You are worth better. If you change your mind, let me know. How do I move from me initiating to him chasing in a smooth way that doesnt go all the way to confirming his thoughts that I want him back? Create some space between you; space that he will have to cross in order to be with you again. Don't ask him questions and keep it short. Now she texts me almost everyday and when we have to see each other she is sweet, laughing at my jokes, paying me attention But then shes doing weird things like: inviting me to the cinema but then saying shes too busy. He said I had just dropped a lot on him and he needs a few weeks to sort through it. But he doesnt want to meet up with. They do it to the trusty old mates they know so well that they dont need to impress them. Hes also my best friend because I know I can count on him. Its high time you moved on. Some people struggle with transitioning from a romantic relationship to being friends. No, its his, isnt it? He told me to let go of the situation so neither of us are hurt if/ when one of us decided to move on. Firstly because its the only way to shake him out of his complacency, and secondly because you need to accept its over, for your own sake. Being friends with your ex can lead back into a relationship as your ex can fall back into an old routine of talking to you and start acting like your boyfriend or girlfriend again. I hope its him, and not you. What can I do to get him back? You can always pull back. Until I gave in and said that, for her happiness I will have to let her go. Trusting your partner is what will give you the strength and courage to believe that they are not fighting you out of bad intent; and that if you listen, really listen to them, youll come to understand the reason you are fighting each other. And start building a life apart from him. Meanwhile dont put your life on hold. You say you love him so much, but do you love HIM, the man he really is, or do you love the man you thought he was? There are several reasons that can happen. You are now a single woman, and its time you started living like one. I just dont know how long is long enough to wait it out and see. He broke up right before our anniversary and I havent been the same since. Its about what he feels he has to do; what for him is the right thing to do. I do get sad from time to time, especially if I think about what the future couldve been if only wed made a real effort to fix things before they broke. These are not pretty. Thankfully I came to the courage of telling her directly face to face after that, if she could give me the chance to show myself to her that I am a changed person. He has said many times that it is possible for us to get back together, sometime in the distant future. Im not sure if this is her way of feeling lonely and knowing Ill see the posts or if this is her trying to make more friends because she doesnt have many. When you start going on dates, your ex-boyfriend is going to feel a bit jealous and also feel he is missing out on the new improved you. My ex broke up with me a month ago. We are still friends and we literally text each other every single day even though hes in another country. In this sort of situation, it might help you both gain some perspective if you take a break from seeing each other (go here to find out more about that). We might get back together in the future, but Im nervous as I dont want to lose him completely. After 2 weeks she asked for space and we had an argument. You can always pull back. Well yeah its only really been 2 weeks since our break any advice. Lighten up. I dont want him to feel annoyed by me. If he does, keep it up and maybe he will change his mind about you. This man is indicating that he prefers you as a friend, so accept that, and consider yourself a single woman who is free to meet, flirt with and date other men. He also said he doesnt plan on being in another relationship anytime soon, and if sometime down the road things were able to work out between us, then we could have a conversation about it. I broke up with my ex bcos of his flirting thing with any gal he meet..I still love him we know each others flaws n weakness. Stop responding to him every time he calls, go out and do other things, preferably interesting and exciting things. I also revealed he did that because he missed me and was somehow trying to distract himself, but his feelings for me were still strong. His reasoning was that he still doesnt think hes fully over his family members death AND he also said Im still early in my coming out process. I cant imagine him sharing that bond we have for over 4 years and I dont know how Ill get through that one. im afraid that i wont see him for months.. Also. However you cant be platonic friends as long as you want him as a boyfriend, and for that reason alone, I suggest you stop any friends with benefits connection. I miss the old intimacy and I dont know what she wants. We were fighting because I was uncomfortable with one of his close girl friends, who I know deep down isnt a threat, but Ive always felt like she was a better version of me since we were so similar in some aspects (we were good friends at one point and just grew apart when she left for college). There are really two courses of action you can take. You see, they might be trying to be tactful, and to let you down gently; so its possible they know more than they are letting on, which is why they are advising you to let go. You can try to be friends. Is there any hope at all, or is it really over forever? He cant move forward if theres no space for him to step into. But her best friend has told me that she doesnt like any other guy, and has in secret told her that I am the best guy for her, Basically I think shes confused, she wants me to stay, but not in the way I was. This is something you can not do it if you take the stand that you cannot be friends; and your ex takes the stand that they dont want to get back together. But he always says no. You should decide what it is you really want. He said he doesnt want to work it out that is drained and that he still loves me but he wants to move on. We have the same friend group and run into each other all the time. I really love him and dont want to lose him and I understand its a big shift in his life but I dont understand why he is seeing other people in the other country when he doesnt want a relationship. But what about when you didnt want to break up? We were together for a year and a half. I couldnt handle how he was treating me and I knew deep down it was because it didnt want to be with me anymore. Dont be prepared to settle for something less than a commitment. You need to be cool about seeing him, with friends, even with other women. I have hope that we could rekindle something but I really dont know what to do. I keep sitting around praying and waiting that he will change his mind eventually but it looks like I have to move out for us to be able to build that friendship again before trying anything more. And once you understand, you can seek a solution. Like i ask him to go watch a movie. The new partner will recognize the bond you have and know that the strong connection existed and still exists between you, and that you can still tap into that. Wont it be just too difficult, too upsetting?. We talked about just calling our situation a break, since it hadnt been too long since we split. I dont want anybody else, and of course I dont expect him to wait for me or for him to wait on me but Im still so confused about everything and scared he WILL end up moving on. He admitted to have gone to a few first dates with different girls (he met each of them once only) but that nothing physical or even emotional happened with any of them. He found out because he went through my phone and there was a canceled call I made to my ex, which was an accident. Me and my ex were best friends for 5 years. My boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere saying that he doesnt think he will be able to handle relationship with his work even though I didnt ask for anything. Im not quite sure how to play my situation, any advice welcome. The lesson from that is to stop chasing. The thing is, I know were young, people seem to think that because were young we shouldnt care about where we end up in relation to each other, there are lots of fish in the sea. The reason we break up every time is because theres something that we need to work on, individually. In reality though this was not a break as weve never gone more than a week without texting/calling each other (usually initiated by me). I know that I cant bare the thought of him not being in my life but I am going to date other men. We both still love each other and want a chance to be together in the future, but we also dont know if there will ever be a potential for us to. And I would like to chase her again as a new changed person. I am going to go over the pros and cons of being friends with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, but I am also going to help you determine whether or not its the right move for you at this specific moment. When you let him go and STOP putting pressure on him, there's no reason for him to try to get away from you anymore because you are not a threat to him or to what he wants. I also feel that he is getting better, i feel that he is slowly forgiving me and himself for what happened to us. As far as being friends with your ex goes, the rules are no sex, no emotional support and no waiting for him. But if he finds he doesnt miss you, then Im afraid youll have to accept it. my girlfriend broke up with me after a year and said the reason she did it was that she feels waves of attraction for me and does not want to be in a relationship right now. But it seem too late for me to find out for her to give me a chance to prove it. it felt like she was putting a boundary that we can be good friends, only. But I couldnt believe him because I know him well. Ive always supported him in every way I can but we were down to only seeing each other on Saturday night and all day Sunday and it was really getting me down. I always used to get out my frustration and anger on him. If you have been badly hurt by the breakup, or your self-esteem is low, then this strategy is not for you. It might seem that this is a great way to get close to him, but youd be wrong. 20 ways to win your husband back (for good) by Pearl Nash November 14, 2022, 12:05 pm. Ive stayed over at his place multiple times. Thing is, I can feel that he still has feelings for me. You say you like the feeling of caring it gives you; this suggests that you should perhaps learn to love yourself better, then you wouldnt need someone else to do it for you. You say its too hard to stop seeing your ex. Im scared that being ready means totally moving on from me. I really want to see him and show tht i can really be a friend. He had been already so stressed from school and I had only been stressing him out more. Sometimes Im happy because Im single but sometimes Im really sad because I really did love him and he really did love me. He said that it is his fault and that he tried with me and failed. No, for the time being he cant love you the way you want to be loved hes got too much else on his plate. We agreed to talk about our situation and figure something out. Perhaps he finds them difficult and demanding, but is still bent on doing his duty as a son. I love him so much and would do anything to get him back but Ive also found out hes still on drugs. I asked if it had long term potential, and he said he didnt know because it was so new. I also told him that for now okay, do his plans.. lets just not close our doors to the possibility of fixing us. This is a skill that tends to come with maturity. You dont say whether or not he has a good relationship with them, but no doubt he wants to know he did the best he could for them, instead of feeling guilty for the rest of his life about all the things he should have done but didnt. I love him. We had already talked about that I didnt appriciate him not putting much effort into our relationship, and it made me feel like I didnt matter to him, but it didnt get much better after that. Is there a chance he will come back one day? I never really looked at it like this. But he doesnt want to meet up with. By doing this, your ex starts to think the worst: that you no longer need him . If he asks whether youre friends, say youre not sure. Do I reach out, let him believe Im now fine and do everything you advised in that article? We were very serious and also talked about getting married. The promise of great things to come should be enough to make him want to get back together with you. We started texting, snapping, and talking everyday. He says he wants to be friends and see what time will reveal because he cant return to the way he felt when things got back during the time we were together. Your ex will certainly do so, and you must too. Dont ever refer to you and your boyfriend as just friends. Do you think we still have a chance? If you truly feel that you can handle being close to this person right now without being their significant other, you have a wonderful opportunity. You know you qualify for the job, but okay. Why dont you use them to give yourself a short, sharp course of falling out of love with him? Nor is it clear whether you genuinely want your boyfriend back. He needs to feel uncertain, if hes ever going to make a decision. Stop pushing him so hard. After all, he has told you himself that you shouldnt have forgiven him. When we speak thru text. She did say she needed time to process her mind but not anytime soon. My boyfriend and I were together for a year and everything was great but he broke up with me 3 months ago. This is the wrong time to try and muscle in, so it would be better if you didnt. Weve had a wonderful relationship and there was a spark the first time we met. Remember its not necessarily a new girlfriend; and even if it is, rebound relationships dont usually last. I obviously snapped out of it and we had a huge fight and threw all my hate at him and the next day of course he assumed that we were broken up until I finally asked him if he really wanted to break up. Hes also complained to me about his roommate, who, two months later, remains unemployed with few prospects. Stop trying to compartmentalize your relationship into just friends or boyfriend/girlfriend; and give it a bit of mystery instead. You say youve always supported him in every way you can, but right now youre not supporting him, youre adding to his burdens. Maybe because of some of my actions i said, like if she was free on NYE etc. And weve spent about 3 months apart before we started talking again. He makes less money than I do, and cant quite afford this new place on his own. The other thing to note is that you have been together for 3.5 years, and yet he is only 21. There is truth to all the above statements. And you have probably told your ex we cant be friends because you think that being friends with your ex will ruin your chances of getting back together. Be prepared for the possibility that he may not respond as you hope, and have a graceful exit line ready. I suggested a no contact period for a few weeks and he very reluctantly accepted (I could tell how pained he was). Recently, we had been seeing each other at least once a week and speaking daily. I want us to continue to improve ourselves, and just be happy together, and remember what its like when were carefree and not worried about everyone elses expectations for relationships. Try to see him in social situations where there are other people around. Remember what you are trying to do, and dont let your new situation degenerate into the ease and comfort of real friendship. You couldnt. Agree that being friends is best. It sounds to me as if you know he has found someone else. He told me theres nothing wrong with me, Im an amazing girlfriend, he cares about me a lot and if I needed him he would be there for me. How can I work it out? I told him I did want to work on us and eventually get back together, but that I wanted to take my time with him because I want to be sure it will work out. READ THIS. But I didnt try and didnt understand what was wrong with me. He never yelled at me once when we were dating and now he yells at me frequently. Up until then I had held onto the hope that she saw this as a break and not a break up, but then it really hit. After 3 weeks, he said he wanted to be friends. I compare him to my ex, also. Would that mean the chance of reconciliation would be gone? I could tell he was as devastated as me. I recently found out my ex is in a relationship after only 2 months of the breakup. She broke down and teared a lot of times during our chat. If and when she wants to come back, you can decide whether its still what you want too. 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