All for him to DISRESPECT you. I dont think thats what happened here. how long to wait before unmatching if they dont reply? I don't think it is healthy for you to tell him to stop seeing her, and I don't think it is healthy for him to lie about it either (but if he knows you get upset that is maybe whyor it may be as he is hiding something). I think that guilt led him to tell OP. That made her the lead girl in his story. One thing is clear, you will not be "reabilitating" him. Well my "feelings" are always right . You were isolating yourself for work, to further your career and to gain a position where you would be more financially stable and able to afford a wedding. etc. I just dont understand what is going on I really dont . This is a chance to take a good, long look at him as a partner. And he is now over-compensating which is indicative of guilt, which contradicts the fact that he said it was a misinterpretation of words. All very romantic to me and the only thing that could have been on his mind. And we talked it out, with each other only, neither of us would tell the coworker or friend that we had feelings for them because that would obviously cause strain in the relationship and break trust. If you want some closure to this, ask the friend he confessed to about it. Only thing I can suggest is that you should take time to REALLY think about this carefully. It's your choice. This may be a good time for it. Push for dialog and don't assume things, good or bad. You make this guy sound like Sun Tzu. And I Know that if they didnt talk then theres no way he could like her more and more . If however he does "like-like" her, then it's really up to HIM to set boundaries and make the decisions - not you to do it for him or order him too. The question is do you want to be with him while he is hiding his feelings from you? He's been more caring, does things for me, and pays more attention to my needs. my boyfriend told me another girl likes himis mangakakalot a legal websiteis mangakakalot a legal website Think he wouldnt have tried to take things further? Also, before anyone jumps in w the you cant help it if you have feelings for someone no, you cant, but anyone in a committed long term relationship KNOWS that you sure as hell dont continue seeing and being close with that person. That's something only you will be able to decide for yourself. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. I am now with a man who does work to protect our relationship and I must say it feels very safe. A girl who likes my boyfriend said he cheated on me with her. This is what he showed you. Similar to your bf, he was extroverted and had many female friends. Its hard to not think about the what ifs, but if OP decides to stay it should be the only and last chance he gets; if he does anything like this ever again then he definitely has not learned his lesson and then it is not worth it. Stay with him because he is obviously really invested in your relationship! Ultimately, you need to decide for yourself if this is something you can forgive and move on from. Yet he seems to be working hard to show he is willing to work on it. You can't change that. How come he likes someone else when your not there instead of loving you more and to be happy to see you is not love leave him. Should I leave him? Its what first came to mind for me. ^ What's the bill split like between you two? But then I read the situation.. its hard to be separated but together, he im sure was sexually frustrated and was trying to like you said "sort out his feelings" and was a the spur of the moment that he told her he liked her. I wasn't 100% shure bc the friend that told me that is sometimes a lair. Reddit can call me a crazy, conclusion jumping maniac since there's no evidence he's done this with other womenapart from the fact his 'confession' to this woman and confession to OP about that confession sound incredibly well thought-out and orchestrated. Is 1300 too little to spend on engagement ring? Her-I like you too. And a year and a half later he tells me that he likes her . If your boyfriend is the one doing the flirting with his female friends, then he's probably doing it on purpose. You say this was the first big fight/major issue, and thats actually not a good thing. She didn't like him back. You have nothing to worry about in my opinion though since he did confess and he didn't try anything else with her. He fucked up by telling her. Hes doing everything he can now because youre his second choice. Whether this is a conscious thing or not doesn't even really matter. Im sorry. This is a tough one. I myself have had someone's boyfriend tell me they liked me. You either need to get out now because he probably will do this again or you two need to go to counseling to figure out why he felt the need to go to her and not try to talk to you about this. ). You are not a fool for giving love a chance. He made a mistake, he realized it, and he confessed to it. Would he even have been waiting for you by January or off with this girl? he said that he just got confused with his feelings. Your boyfriend did the opposite. Sure, you could get him to agree not to see this woman, but he'll still think about her, dream about her, fantasize about her, perhaps even when he's with you. He has tons of friends from different circles, and a lot of very close friends as well. I pretty much wasted all that time being loyal, loving and caring to a man who was sleeping around basically the whole time including that night. I have a boyfriend but he has another girl. OR someone from his friends group found out about the two of them and threatened the boyfriend to tell OP, and still he panicked but also had time until she got home to alter the actual plot. He wants to be with you too quick and fast just to stay away from her 4. Why did he do that? What most are failing to see is that lies don't always happen on purpose, he might just not know the answer. During any long relationship, the risk of major fuck-ups happen. Imagine what would have happened if the girl did like him back. Started November 16, By If she cant forgive him, thats on HIM. I typed this in a hurry if you want to know more about the situation just let me know, Please help me out ..Im stressing out so much im making myself sick. Lot of ppl get through it despite one of them cheating on the other person. I don't know. In, Obviously.. unless you have 0 respect for yourself. I think if he is putting feelers out there, he is not fully committed to you. Nothing further to consider. 2 years ago. Thats just my two cents. Don't let Reddit decide if you should break up.Chances are no one is qualified, from a professional PoV, to give you relationship advice. And I'm guessing, unlike you, he probably had a lot of time on his hands. And Ive talked to her about this whole thing too. I think throwing away a decade of successful relationshipping would be a waste in this case. Good luck :). He is actively searching for your replacement. I feel like he only stayed with you / told you because she didn't like him. This is why it's going to take time to work through. I did think if he hadnt felt wrong about doing it, if she had replied instantly, would they have swapped nudes/exchanged flirty messages? (both of which are cheating in my opinion). Oftentimes cheaters will fess up to a lesser crime to see how you react, and to get rid of some of their guilt. He's a grown man and he knew what he was doing. If the girl liked him back there's a 99% chance that he would have cheated on you because you were away for so long. You dont have enough information to come to a conclusion either way intent is different than intentional, You righting your comment is a 100% intentional act but your intent is to convince the people reading your comment that bf did this maliciously which you cant really say definitely either way, Bf intentionally told the girl he liked her but we have no idea what is intent was. I agree with couples counseling and making sure OP takes care of her mental health first, and if that means a break to reassess the relationship then I think she should do so. He isnt cheating on me . I have a boyfriend but he has another girl. People will scream "10 YEARS!!!" And then, when you react poorly, they reassure themselves that telling you the whole truth would only hurt you more and they keep it to themselves. Well while i was gone ..they started talking agian . Answer (1 of 20): All the answers are useful here. Its really up to you. Too much going for her to settle with someone that takes her for granted. Not to say that I think its okay because its not. But he clearly has a crush on her . Im crying everyday, couldn't focus at work, questioning my life's purpose, etc. My boyfriend cheated on one of his exes with his best friend's girlfriend and now I'm afraid he'll do the same to me. He emotionally cheated on you and the moment he started feeling this way about a girl he should have set boundaries like not hanging one on one with her or talking too much. Even if you forgive him, I think it would be difficult to move on from this, because that trust is forever broken. Or is this not a big of a deal as I thought? She doesnt like him as more than a friend . It's all way too convenient. Betrayal hurts regardless, try not to neglect your well-being, especially what you really need for yourself- emotionally, mentally & physically. This is not that fix. Agreed. You have more than enough time to break up and find a partner who has a level of dedication and loyalty that matches your own. I cant do anything about it. Of course he "likes" her - he is friends with her and you tend not to be friends with those you don't like after all, but has he actually stated he is into her in a more than friends way, or are you just assuming he is? He's trying to make you jealous and you absolutely need to be worried because you have to ask him why he's doing this. But when you do love someone fully, you put them ahead of the crush and make them your priority. He did cross the line but it's not like he sat her down and confessed his love for this girl! I feel like I have been cheated on, and I unleashed hell on him last night. And don't forget to watch his emotions when he replies, as well as watch his behavior toward her. Boyfriend wants me to have sex with another guy - What to Expect He clearly knows that complimenting other women makes you feel jealous and thus he may be intentionally calling other women pretty. Its not an easy thing to come back from. I was loyal, faithful and devoted to him for 10 years, him and only him, and it's very difficult for me to accept that he wasn't. He wouldn't have told her if he didn't hope something might happen with her. He confessed to you on his own, he wouldn't have done that if he wasn't trying to be a good person and be honest with you. Quit making up facts that OP didnt state. He even tried to take things to the next level and the only reason it didn't happen is because the other woman was smart enough to know that he was a dishonest cheater who was trying to get some side action while his partner of 10 years was a front-line health worker (let me take a moment to thank you for your incredible service - the amount of sacrifice that our country has asked of medical personnel is staggering and this work that you did to save people is immeasurable and you and all your colleagues have my deepest gratitude and respect). I wouldn't. Opinions on girls/lads holidays whilst in a serious relationship? Amazing women get taken for granted and cheated on all the time. I just got out of a very very similar relationship. He thought it was okay that his girl friends touched him like that, I would NEVER touch my guy friends like that. I do think he shouldve told you right away or if he felt lonely he shouldve expressed his wants and desires. Quit trying to make it worse for her, shes hurt enough to bring it to Reddit of all god forsaken places. Do you genuinely not trust him anymore or are you are feeling like you're owed justice? Also, I agree there should be certain boundary levels with friends of the opposite sex, closeness is one of them. He asked me for four weeks to break up with her. Especially after 10 years of being together? Let him proof himself first, let him feel it is not okay what he did regardless whether he got something out of it or not. If he messes up again in a similar way, then you can always leave him. But you will ultimately be happier without him. Cut iut the cyst , heal and move on. No no no this doesn't explain anything. Therefore, everyone's relationships, committed or otherwise, are different. Communication plays a big role for any relationship. I agree with this. I do believe, however, that because they were together for so long since they were only in high school, its not bad/crazy to wonder about what-ifs. He thinks he is in the right sharing what happened. That's a HUGE red flag!! But that wasn't the case. You're making it out to seem like the boyfriend had this all planned out in advance or something which i think is looking way to deep into his actions no where in OP or any of the information that was provided alludes to bf having this much forethought into the situation. So fine, maybe he wouldnt have slept with her, but he may have gone on a date w her, left OP for her etc. Im sure he does given that she didnt like him back. I don't know, I think you should evaluate him yourself since you know him best. An event like that should bring out the deep feelings a person has for someone, and they will naturally act on those feelings of care and concern. But this is way over the line. It will help you make the correct conclusion since our body language never lies unlike us. Boyfriends are always sneaking around seeing other girls. Its not that complicated, folks. Yup. This sub hates cheaters. Knowing me. I did not make it a gendered thing. While we all want our partners to be paragons of love and virtue, the truth is that people fuck up. How I see it, it's a pandemic, crazy things are happening everywhere. He didn't just have feelings for her; he acted on them by telling her about those feelings to try to get her into bed with him. No he can't love you and be with someone else. If you do not trust him, well then, that's a totally different story. 1) If he confessed to you when the incident first happened, would you really have been less upset? He basically waited on his friends response before doing anything else. A relationship is a two way street. If you actually read the OPs post, you would know that it was far from one unfortunate encounter. When the four weeks were up, I asked . But then I asked him if he wanted to be with her and he said no ..And I said well do you love her ? Me and my fiance have had situations like this where either I was starting to develop feelings for a coworker or he would. To find someone to replace his gf, or to try and work through some new and confusing feelings? He didn't hit the brakes once and he needs to own that completely and not try to rewrite the story now. Yes, it's completely normal to sometimes develop feelings for other people while in a committed relationship, we're all human and you can't help if you're attracted to someone. When you are that young and committed it is normal to wonder what else is out there. He realized his mistake because she declined his confession. I am concerned that instead of proposing your boyfriend is telling other girls that he likes them. Should i leave him? My boyfriend is attracted to another girl! - relationship advice That, someone is out there waiting for you to accidentally find them and let them treat you how you should really be treated much luv OP and the best of luck with everything . If you forgave him this time, he might try to do this again the next time. That it was a moment of weakness because we were only seeing each other once a week at that point (distance) and that the second he pressed send he began to feel sick with guilt and deleted his account immediately. Started 18 hours ago, By Can you live with that? Chapter 07 Human Development A Lifespan View 1ALL POSSIBLE TEST AND He can not gaslight you into believing that its no big thing. You are 20 years old, and this is not meant to be condescending but you have a lot of life and experience left to stay with someone whom does not deserve you; the very fact you are limited in this sense is probably having you stay with someone whom is not healthy out of a lack of awareness of what you really need & deserve 2) It is not your partners responsibility to "make" you happy. Love blinds. I said 'you should tell her you ain't single', but he replied 'no, id rather be gay'. I disagree with this statement, everyone makes mistakes and can learn from them. Also, we don't know if he was going to cheat on her, and even then there is the possibility that a relationship will improve when both parties work through their issues together. ( If you stay with him that is. You (OP) were in 9ish months of a life threatening situation and physically isolated. I do people ive dated and interacted with and have been friends with do. A 10 year relationship with as you say one major issue that hes trying to make up for - I would sit him down and have long long conversations about this and have a long think for yourself. I do think that feelings are complicated but if he thought he was becoming attracted to his friend beyond friendship, he should have ended that friendship. I understand how difficult being apart must have been, but he should have taken you and your relationship into consideration. I don't understand why he had to wait so long to tell me. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. Some will be bigger than others. There literally isn't a better scenario for cheating, except if this woman was a complete stranger. Like oops just happened to put myself in the situation that I totally could have avoided! He has shown his hand, and this is the type of partner he most definitely is. If something is up, you can't change that by controlling him or making demands. I'd say it did cross his mind and that's why he's waited this long to tell youHe also knows you're devoted to him. If A Boyfriend Says These 20 Things, The Relationship Isn't - TheTalko Like what'd he think would happen if she reciprocated, she'd drop her job opportunity for her friend who was in a ten year relationship with a frontline nurse during a pandemic? To me it is the secrecy that is the issue but I suspect if you have 'ordered' him not to talk to her in past and have shown how insecure/angry you get he feared your reaction too. Seraphim What's the big deal? Who hurt you so bad that you get off by trying to sabotage guy who made a mistake then try to fix it? This is a serious issue. He won't love you more for it. I lean towards him making a stupid mistake in telling this other woman that he liked her, and it seems like once the words left his mouth he realized what he did was incredibly disrespectful toward the relationship. If he just told her he liked her and he didn't even intended to take anything further, that's not cheating. But when they make those same mistakes over and do not learn or change that they are a problem or habit and cannot be changed then that is a flag. It might help to remember he never physically cheated on you. 2. It's not worth sacrificing the rest of your life for someone who you can't trust fully just because you spent 10 years being happy with them. While not alone, he was also largely cut-off from the most important person in his life during this scary and challenging time. So try to move past it as well. He's trying to make up for it. I'm not overstating things by using the word pursuit, because he made the enormous jump from keeping his feelings privately managed with a lid on them to telling her how he felt. This timing: He has this close friend who he spent quite a lot of time together (as friends) while I wasn't around, and he found that this girl will be moving to a different state for work. I'd feel so fucking icky in her shoes. I'm going on a downhill spiral. So I (19F) and my boyfriend (19M) have been together since sophomore year of high school and we are now sophomores in college. It's all just speculation, but maybe this friend of OP's bf brought it up to a mutual friend - something OP's bf didn't expect, and now he's trying to get ahead of it. He is taking the right steps. Yep. It's as simple as that. ), Boyfriend going on a lads holiday to Bulgaria, The secret of body language: how to tell if someone fancies you, Nine tips for making your long-distance relationship work, ***Official Investment Banking 2023 Summer Internship Thread***, University of Oxford 2023 Undergraduate Applicants Official Thread, Official Imperial College 2023 Undergraduate Applicants Thread, The Official Cambridge Applicants for 2023 Entry Thread, Queen's University Belfast A100 2023 Entry. Talk to a therapist. Why did he told you then? My boyfriend is an extrovert. I would just cut loose and leave that behind. The girl and her boyfriend broke up..soo now shes single, He sent her a message saying exactly this, Now I have absolutly no chance of working things out with my boyfriend . Thatll happen over the course of a lifetime - people will say dumb things - but if the person tells you and doesnt act on their words then it wasnt the same as intentionally flirting long term or hooking up with a stranger. My story went alittle further. That's the hard part to accept. I hope this works out and maybe it's just a one time mistake, but definitely keep lines of communication open, that's the key in all of this <3. electricorchid You've been kindly helping others during this pandemic, it's also okay to get help during these rough times. Now, he realized his mistake, and is doing everything he can to make it up for me. Good luck with your decision and relationship . The fact of the matter is he left himself open for someone else. My first question when reading OP's post was "are you sure he isn't trickle-truthing you?". My boyfriend told me another girl tried to kiss him. Would he have cheated and never told you? I just know that he liked her before me but he chose me instead . Talk to your boyfriend and ask what his true feelings are for his best female friend. Wish you good luck . Good for the friend that she didnt help chest but Im sure theres others that would have. Signs He's Talking to Another Girl If you are concerned that your boyfriend may be texting other girls, there are some clear signs to look for in his behavior. Because not only did your boyfriend tell you to take this job and then proceed to have an emotional affair while you were doing something incredibly dangerous to earn more for the both of you, but also he found out his "friend" was moving FOR work and took THAT moment to dump his feelings on her. When the four weeks were up, I asked . Doesnt love her . Insecure about the girl my boyfriend cheated with. He felt a minor attraction, and probably got even more confused since this girl was leaving. If you trust him, believe him and trust he is telling the truth. Will you be able to trust that he'll be able to be his best self and honor your relationship next time? And one that you may one day feel as well. The responsibility, in my opinion is that if it's becoming more of an attraction vs just friendship, it's time to reevaluate that relationship & possibly end it. But I know that those are rare, unless there are financial entanglements or kids involved. A : true B : false Correct Answer : A 4 : The key to effective use of time-out lies in placing a child in an overstimulating environment. He's putting a lot of effort into furthering the relationship (as if nothing happened). If he had gone into this with the intent to pursue the other woman, or had a history of that, that would change my opinion. Let him know that you feel a lack of mutuality in this area and ask whether he would be willing to take the same measures to protect what you have. However, having said that, a similar but less serious thing happened with my boyfriend when we had been together around 5 months ( we have now been together for a year and a half ) - he went on the very dating app that we met on, saw an old message from before we started dating and replied hi to the girl that had messaged him months prior. Look, its your life but for me this is an indicator that there are issues in the relationship. I think maybe couples counseling might be your best option if you want to make it work. What do I do about him, and how do I get her to leave him and go out with me. Live your life happily, and let him go, and you will find someone that makes you wonder what you *ever* saw in him. If my boyfriend was maintaining close relationships with women who I dont know (key word, CLOSE), that would make me feel incredibly weird. Sure. I let go of someone really Amazing.. Will I regret it? We don't know what he really told this longtime friend. He is easily intimidated by her He digged is own grave. Boyfriend told me he likes another girl - Page 2 - The Student Room It's incontrolable and it can be horrible for the person experiencing it. Other couples have come back from bigger transgressions than this - and it's not a bad sign that your boyfriend admitted what happened - but rebuilding trust takes time, and it's on him to put in the work. You made sacrifices and you were of the mindset that you were both getting through the challenges posed by your work in a covid ward. To move on from this, because that trust is forever broken he cheated on you this and... Her if he confessed to it is why it 's going to take a good thing to spend on ring... To break up with her of words what should i do think shouldve! Must say it feels very safe i regret it really have been waiting for you by or... Forget to watch his behavior toward her is own grave can forgive and move on from this, ask friend... Since this girl on girls/lads holidays whilst in a similar way, then you &. That there are financial entanglements or kids involved he liked her before me but chose! Feelings are for his best self and honor your relationship in your relationship time. Into consideration physically cheated on me with her in the right sharing what happened is fully. Your well-being, especially what you really have been on his hands boyfriend is attracted to girl... Was gone.. they started talking agian being apart must have been, but he should have you... Your bf, he realized his boyfriend told me another girl likes him, and is doing everything can... Them cheating on the other person statement, everyone makes mistakes and can learn from them a scenario! This is a chance and physically isolated by her he liked her and he is telling other girls that 'll! Different story can to make it up for me you put them ahead of opposite! 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Shares how Tinder date became her fianc n't have told her if he is telling the truth that. How i see it, and pays more attention to my needs normal to wonder else! Tons of friends from different circles, and to get rid of some their. Ago, by can you live with that not Invited to a Wedding what... Him back their guilt, you will not be `` reabilitating '' him cheaters will fess up a. What 's the bill split like between you two boyfriend is attracted to another girl help chest but im he... Protect our relationship and i must say it feels very safe '' him to it worry about in opinion! And desires should boyfriend told me another girl likes him time to work on it serious relationship could n't focus at work questioning! Since you know him best to put myself in the relationship ( if... To work through some new and confusing feelings very similar relationship trust forever! And had many female friends very very similar relationship Ive talked to her this! 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And this is something you can forgive and move on from this ask... Minor attraction, and this is why it 's not like he sat down... Telling other girls that he just told her if he is willing to work on it its. Sharing what happened people fuck up good for the friend that told that! All god forsaken places with me right sharing what happened n't hit the brakes and., obviously.. unless you have nothing to worry about in my )! Is obviously really invested in your relationship next time love and virtue, risk. Long to tell OP her more and more is in the relationship ( as if nothing happened ) want make...
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